Apology Not Accepted

On Alchemy


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Interview at The Rumpus

I spoke with Arielle Bernstein at The Rumpus about my writing process, the stigma surrounding abuse, my love of dark literature and more. To read the full interview, click here.


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On Loss

I had a dream the other night that I was living in a house. A fixer-upper. The dream was very specific. I was making the house into what I wanted it to be. I filled bookshelves upon bookshelves. There were windows that took up an entire wall. I put a red sectional couch in front […]


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My Letter to Cindy Scott

[From an email that I sent on 1/26/2014 to the prosecutor in my ex-husband’s domestic battery case.] Dear Cindy, I am writing to let you know how disappointed I am in the handling of my ex-husband, Joshua Caleb Winters, Domestic Battery case. — Caleb would have killed me if I had stayed with him.  He punched me in the […]


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A Legacy of Tenderness for My Son

The other day, my twelve-year-old son, Reed, burst into my bedroom. “Mom, look what I found” he said. It was his stuffed Curious George animal—tattered and loved. “George the monkey” had been my son’s favorite doll when he was a toddler. I remember carrying Reed up the stairs to bed, his head on my shoulder, […]


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On Boundaries

I struggle with boundaries. Most abuse survivors do. Which is why it might not be surprising that I haven’t spoken to my best friend in three months. We had a conflict that could have been a normal conflict, but I am not good at conflict so I first lashed out, then retreated, thus making it […]


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His Apologies in Erasure


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Survivor Stories: It Was Never About the Nail

It Was Never About the Nail Guest Post By: Anonymous Gaslighting isn’t a single incident. It’s a pattern of tiny, often barely perceptible instances of erasure, minimizing, confusion, deflection. Nails, beams, boards, tiles, wire—piece by piece, a house is built. The door is closed, and you’re inside, and you hear the construction around you, but […]


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On Being a Seed

I was chatting with my friend Megan O. via Messenger, and she’s a therapist. (I have a lot of friends who are therapists, which might say something about me.) We were chatting about how good things are for me now, and I wrote to her that I feel so wonderful, but also like there must […]


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If I Could Just Make It Stop: Alternatively Titled “The Hardest Year of My Life, but Not the Worst.”

What is the distinction between “hardest” and “worst”? Hard often equals some kind of progress that will follow. Worst equals bottom. My bottom in my life was Christmas Eve 2009. Still, even the word bottom implies that an ascent must follow. We either move in a straight line,  we move downward, or we move upward. […]


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